I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
