New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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