I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
