When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
