Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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