I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
