We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
