Rock
Scissors
Fuck
4 words: hood of his car
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize