a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
two words...techno handjob
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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