If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
