Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
