I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
