i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
