hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
