id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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