Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
