i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
