If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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