His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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