I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
