my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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