Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
