I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
