Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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