Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
