I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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