What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
