Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
