how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
