I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
