She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
