That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
