I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
