i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
