I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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