Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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