i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He felt like a one man threesome
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
