if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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