everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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