I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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