i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Someone signed my nipple.
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