Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
