if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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