Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
