Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
