my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
