If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
