I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
