Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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