Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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