I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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