I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
