no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
