New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I love you.
Bad choice
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