i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize