So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
