god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
