Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
