omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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