i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
