His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
BRING THE BAGELS
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
