this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
