I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
In America we eat man semen.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Oh god it's open bar.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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