I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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