im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
