I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
