I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sober January is a disaster.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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