I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
