You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
