Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
