If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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