Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize