Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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