well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
