Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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