you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
