the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
