I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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