my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
