I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
