Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize