shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
