I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
